She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
