Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
