I can text with my tongue
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
