Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
