How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
