doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
