I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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