I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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