No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
