He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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