Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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