drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
