he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
