Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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