her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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