He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
