Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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