remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
