I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
