I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
