Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
