No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
