i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
