you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize