I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I could make wine with my vomit
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
