just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
