my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i think i just naturally attract stoners
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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