At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize