Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
