your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
