He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
