Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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