My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
