im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
