Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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