i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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