So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize