Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
