ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
