I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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