Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
