Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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