How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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