i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
