Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
