At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
