I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
