He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
