just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
