Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
