billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
