i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
