So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
