Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
