If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Houston, we have a blender
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
