Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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