no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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