Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need to align my fucking chakras
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
