no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
