dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
