I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Randomize
