I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
