Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
