I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
