i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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