I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
