true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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