Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
