I seem to have left my pride at pride
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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