we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
