I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
