I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
