Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what day is it and did you see me today?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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