I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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