I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
