he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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