i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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