Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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