I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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