your room smells of hookers.
And success
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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