so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
